10 WEIRD WAYS TO GET WARM WITHOUT SPOONING

I have just discovered these ten ways weird ways of keeping warm this winter.

For All You Filthy Minds That Were Starting To Chuckle These Will Not Be Excuses for You to Spoon. To make things clear the topic for this would be: Ten weird ways to get warm without spooning.

1.Instead of wearing meat like lady gaga cook it.

2.  Stock pile a lot of junk food especially coke and make obesity a goal. Ask yourself this question “do you think the half ton killer gets cold?”

3. Make a collection of cesspool rats and sew yourself a fur coat.

4. This is a very effective option. Instead of sleeping on a bed invest on a sleeping bag and fart yourself to sleep.

5. Get a load of Lil Wayne lyrics this will not keep you warm but you will be laughing at them so hard you will forget it’s cold. If you are South African watch ekasi: our stories.

6. Never shave!! I repeat never shave!!!

7. Invest in a good playlist that will make you dance all over the place.

8.  Find a science wiz and bribe them to rub your body. The excitement of friction will make them continue or just tell them that if they don’t do it you will find a way to put them in drama.

9. Stop microwaving your stinky, sweat filled hot socks (it’s disgusting) and buy a sleepaconda.

10. Finally and it won’t be body heat. The tenth way of keeping warm this winter is that while you are in that sleeping bag farting yourself to warmth ensure that you are naked.

113's LOVE GUIDE

I have to say being in a commune is probably the best thing that is happening to me right now or maybe it is just my commune. You get that same feeling that you get when you are watching food network and the next day when someone is talking about gnocchi you act as if you have eaten in before when you actually haven’t. So the current topic right now (which most of you would think is sooo typical) is LOVE (CRAZY, RETARDED, OUT OF ITS MIND, BONKERS LOVE!!!!). What I have gathered in the conversations I have had with my housemates is crazy stuff. That is why I am calling this 113’s Love Guide  

1)    Love is like Ke$ha it is hot and beautiful but it’s stupid crazy.

2)    Love would make you think you are Black when you are really and truly Caucasian.

3)    Love would make you sleep in a cesspool while you are renting a room at the Ritz or Windsor Hotel.

4)    Love would make you marry Stevo a (dumbass from jackass) or actually think The Diary of a Zulu Girl is real or actually written by a Zulu girl.

5)    Love would make you sit at home and sing about how it is 4am and your lover is probably somewhere with a dancer instead of TRACKING THE KAFFER DOWN (relax dude I’m black. A person who would over react because of this has probably not watched Trevor Noah’s That’s Racist)

6)    Love would make an 86 year old think they have a shot with a 40 year old.

7)    Love would make you get a permanent tattoo of your partner’s name (ask Angelina Jolie how that turned out)

8)    Love would make a girl get a Brazilian wax because her boyfriend asked. Really dude?

9)    Love would make you hang out with your girlfriends ex.

10)  Love would make a husband a wife get surgery to make them look alike. Take note this really happened.

11) But most of all love would make you still fall in love even after you  have read this guide. (PSSSHH DUMBASS!!!)

HAMMERED HEART

Break ups are always tragic until people start to post them online then they just become down right hilarious. This is something I found one can get a little speck of pleasure from. This is a post from a guy age range 22-25 "girlfriend broke up with me yesterday and I was fine with it till about 8 o'clock today I don't feel right not like suicidal I just feel nauseous and I have the shakes and I feel very antsy I'm not crying or anything so I'm kind of scared I don't really know what to do." Everything is good until your boyfriend decides to be a virtual cheat this is a category from 26-30 age range "i want to know why do i feel so miserable although i know its the right decision........i had a boyfriend for 6yrs and 7 months.all was good until we got Internet @ home in 2010.He started playing on line games.i broke it off end 2010.but he asked for another chance,so i gave him one.this year in April i told him that i couldn't handle the gaming anymore,he told me that i wasn't supportive,so i decided to play games with him (at least we spend some time together).it went well until he found a new game that i didn't like.he couldn't compromise that game for me and a month ago i told him that its over,he moved out today and its killing me inside because he doesn't even look sad or unhappy because he lost me..what can i do for this pain and loneliness to go away? i was always the one fighting ,crying.talking nicely and asked for quality time together.am i really that worthless?" I don't know what happened to people keeping journals, or maybe its modern technology. Apple should really invest something like a dairy in one of its ipads if they do guys please use it or these people should just get good always around bffs. To end things off one should do it with statistics 41% of people who have this experience are in their teens, 33% are in their twenties, and 7% are in their thirties. 75% of people who have this experience are women.

      

MAMA IS CALLING YOU HOME!!!!!!

THIINK A WOMAN IS POWERFUL WAIT TILL THE PRESIDENT GETS TO HER!!

 

It has been a boring postless month here are my useless but going to give anyway excuses:

1. I will be starting with exams soon.

2. Because I will be starting with exams soon my life has been boring.

3. Did I mention the exams

 

It has been exactly 28 days since I last posted and according to my last post you were suppose to receive a post about my friend's varsity life sadly we share the same excuses. What is mostly important to me is how even when I hadn't posted anything for close to a month (or lets just say a month because of February) the pageviews haven't stopped. Back to business there is this blog that has been doing the rounds called The Diary Of A Zulu Girl I stand corrected a lot of people seem to be liking even people I call friends, so it was time for me to do a damage control post and get all my wolves back to the pack ( I hope that doesn't sound possesive).

 

P.S Remember to like our facebook page time with mmabatho. If you are wondering why there is a picture of olivia pope crying her way out of the white house it because it was my new interest for the past 2 days and I know a lot of American are laughing at how late this is (trust me I am embarassed).

P.S. P.S MAMA IS CALLING YOU HOME!!!

CHICKEN SOUP 19

I am sure it has been evident with my non frequent publishing that my life seems to be boring at the moment, therefore  I will be allowing my friend Thobeka Dube to be a co blogger, she has been asking me for months on end to this so I have finally agreed. Her birthday was a week ago and lucky for you she is still a teenager which means more ridiculous poems like these (I HOPE):

The Only Thing I Think About

Why won't he call?
Why won't he write me back?
Why won't he love me?
Why won't he see me?
Why won't he tell me his feelings?
Why won't he realize the feelings I have for him?

Why doesn't he like me?
Why does he go out with every girl but me?
Why does he play with my mind?
Why do my friends say I should forget about him?
Why don't I forget about him?

Why can't he make up his mind?
Why can't he read the signs I've given to him?

Why must he keep me waiting?
Why must he keep me hanging on a ledge?

Why is he the only thing I think about?

Why?

If she doesn’t live up to it, no worries I’ll find a substitute.

P.S I will be publishing a new article MY RETURN RELOADED because I feel that the first one is not a true representation of my POSIE now.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU FAR TOO KIND

Good morning lovely pageviewers (Ty voice) if you don’t know Ty it’s that guy from extreme makeover: home edition. Well I am not sending anyone of you to Disney Land but I do have to say you guys blew my socks and my mind off with the pageviews. I literally spent the whole day looking at my phone because I don’t have internet access where I live. Yesterday my blog reached 1000 pageviews and I thought that was enough on its own but then the pageviews just kept coming; the yet another reason why South Africa is awesome got 344 pageviews in a day. Therefore I am dedicating this South African love poem that I took from the Rainbow Bible a blog by Lady Phi to all of you who viewed and will continue to view it on Thursday.

I smaak you stukkend, please say you'll be mine; 
You're my moon, my stars and my beach day sunshine. 
You're so handsome, it makes me go 'wow', 
you’re better than a proper Durban bunnychow. 
You're my beaded love letter, my breeze in the night, 
You're my tea, my koeksister, my Blitz firelight 
You're my Discovery, my Tracker, my ADT 
My pap, Mrs Balls Chutney, my Nandos for free: 
You're my lamb chop, my gumdrop, my partner in crime, 
My chilli, my roti, my samoosa sublime. The list is just endless and that isn't all.
You're my Lotto jackpot, my Bioplus, my zol.
Bru', you're my 4X4 when the road is hilly;
you’re the Clover pure butter on my mielie.
One look from you and I can float to the sky
I feel like the Springboks have just scored a try.
At this rate Kulula's popularity might die,
'Cos for me you're the only and best way to fly :)
this, my snoekie, is the only start,
'Cos you're taken the cable car straight to my heart!
So, if I were the fork, then would you please be my
knife?
‘Cos, bokkie, you're the tomato sauce on the slap
chips of my life!

I hope that even if you are not from South Africa you will be able to get it. Till next time.

    

YET ANOTHER REASON WHY SOUTH AFRICA IS AWESOME!!!!!

Apologise about the late Thursday update these are the new interesting facts about South Africa. 

• In 2012, at 5.5%, South African interest rates were at a 30-year low.
• South African Tax Revenue has increased from R100 billion in 1994 to R814.1 billion in 2012-13.
• South Africa’s debt to GDP ratio is 32% (USA 100%, Japan 200%, UK 90%). The World Bank recommends a ratio of 60%.
• SA ranks 1st among upper middle-income economies in the World Bank “Connecting to Compete 2012: Trade Logistics in the Global Economy” report. Overall, SA ranks 23 out of 155 countries included in the Logistics Performance Indicators (LPI). Its main competitor on the African continent, Nigeria, is ranked 121.
• South Africa sold $1.8 billion worth of cars to the US in 2010, putting us ahead of Sweden and Italy as suppliers to the US market. Car sales are projected to grow 10% in 2011 to 460,000 units.
• South Africa exported 277,844 vehicles in 2012, the second highest annual export figure on record (Naamsa).
• The South African stock market rose 23% in 2012.
• South Africa is ranked 1st out of 142 countries in respect of regulation of security exchanges according to the World Economic Forum Global Competetiveness Report 2011/12
• South Africa is ranked 1st in respect of auditing and reporting, according to the Global Competitiveness Report 2011/12.
• South Africa ranks 1st out of 60 countries in the Economist’s House Price index for the period 1997 – 2009.
• South Africa's banks rank 2nd in the world for soundness, according to the Global Competitiveness Report 2011/12.
• The South African Rand was the second best performing currency against the US Dollar between 2007 and 2011, according to Bloomberg’s Currency Scorecard.
• SA ranked 1st in Platinum output, 2nd in Palladium output, 3rd in Gold output, 6th in Coal output and 9th inwool output. (Economist)
• SA is ranked 2nd out of 183 countries for good practice in protecting both borrowers and lenders when obtaining credit for business (World Bank Doing Business Report 2011)
• SA is ranked 3rd in the world for protection of minority shareholders interests, according to the Global Competitiveness Report 2011/12.
• South Africa ranked 6th in house price improvement indices as a % change in 2009, and 1st as a % change 1999/2009. (Economist).
• SA is ranked 10th out of 142 countries for Strength of Investor Protection, according to the Global Competitiveness Report 2011/12.
• SA is ranked 10th out of 183 countries for good practice in protecting investors in business. (World Bank Doing Business Report 2011).
• South Africa ranks 7th out of 45 countries in the "Big Mac Index 2012". The price of a Big Mac is 42% less in South Africa than in the USA. In Switzerland and Norway, it is 62% more.
• South Africa is ranked 16th out of a total of 135 economies in the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap Report 2012, ahead of many developed nations, including, the UK (18th), United States (22), Canada (21), Australia (25) and France (57). (SA were ranked 14th in 2011)
• South Africa ranked 15th in terms of "largest deficits" but as a percentage of GDP is not in the top 40 countries. (Economist).
• The JSE ranks 16th in terms of "largest market capitalisation" and 19th in terms of largest gains. (Economist)
• SA is ranked 23rd out of 81 countries in the Jones Lang LaSalle's "World's most Transparent Real Estate Markets" placing it well ahead of China, Brazil, India and Russia. "Robust governance, strong auditing and a developed legal system" were cited as the main reasons for leading the developing markets in this rating.
• South Africa ranks 24th out of 192 countries in the Economist’s "Largest Gold Reserves" Index.
• SA ranks 32nd out of 165 countries in terms of the size of its US$ reserves, ahead of Australia, Sweden and Chile. The USA ranks 17th, the UK 23rd, China is ranked 1 (The Economist)
• In a survey of 192 countries, South Africa’s unemployment as a percentage of economically active population ranked 27th.
• SA ranks 28th in terms of number of cars produced and 18th in terms of number of cars sold. (Economist).
• South Africa is ranked 34th out of 183 countries for ease of doing business according to Doing Business 2011, a joint publication of the World Bank and the International Finance Corporation.
• South Africa ranks 41st out of 192 countries in the Economist’s "Biggest Exporters" Index.
• South Africa ranked 50th out of 142 countries in the World Economic Forum’s Global Competitiveness Report 2011/12, up from 54th in 2010/11.
• South Africa ranks 54th in a comparison of the overall tax burden of 150 countries worldwide.
• South Africa ranks in the top 20 countries for agricultural output.
• According to a survey of 62 countries by the World Bank and the IMF, South Africa has the 36th highest foreign debt, ahead of the US, Japan and all the European countries surveyed. The economist ranks South Africa 29th out of 60.
• South Africa is placed 14th in a list of 21 countries ranked by international companies as top prospective investment destinations for 2012 to 2014, according to the 2012 World Investment Report by the UN Conference on Trade and Development (Unctad). 
• MTN has been ranked Africa’s most valuable brand in the BrandZ Top 100 Most Valuable Global Brands 2012 survey. MTN becomes the first and only African brand to make the list, debuting at position 88 in the world.
• The number of mines in South Africa had increased from 993 in 2004 to almost 1,600 in 2011 (Business Day)
• Associated revenue generated from mining grew from R98bn in 2004 to R370bn by the end of 2011 (Business Day)
• Employment in the mining industry grew from just under 449,000 in 2004 to a little above 530,000 in June 2012 (Business Day)
• South Africa ranked 6th best out of 24 countries in the Contact Center World rankings for 2012, up from 9th in 2011.
• South Africa is the winner of the National Outsourcing Association’s (NOA’s) Offshoring Destination of the Year Award 2012